#208 Title:

Kids and Honesty

Special Guest: Betsy Brown Braun, best-selling author, child development and behavior specialist, parent educator, multiple birth parenting consultant and the founder of Parenting Pathways.

Description: Parent expert and author of  "You're Not the Boss of Me" and "Just Tell Me What to Say" gives us the whole truth on Kids and Honesty. Betsy Brown Braun talks about raising secure children who turn into responsible, upstanding citizens.

Duration: 51:12

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Show Index:
00:00 Little Ears "Alert"
00:37 Intro: Kids and Honesty
01:21 Is Dishonesty Normal?
02:57 More than Lying
04:04 How to Teach Honesty
06:56 Developmental Components
09:57 Fantasy vs Reality
12:08 Avoid the LYING Place
15:34 A Flat Out Lie
21:36 White Lies
24:07 Myths: Santa, Toothfairy
26:41 About Betsy Brown Braun
28:37 Listener: Fixing Past Mistakes
37:01 Types of Stealing
39:06 Dealing with Stealing
44:57 Reasons Kids Steal
47:32 Closing Comments

Special Guest:

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Tighten Up

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About Betsy Brown Braun

Betsy Brown Braun, best selling author of the award winning book Just Tell Me What to Say: Sensible Tips and Scripts for Perplexed Parents and You’re Not The Boss Of Me: Brat Proofing Your Kids, is a child development and behavior specialist, parent educator, multiple birth parenting consultant, and founder of Parenting Pathways, Inc.

With over 35 years of experience in public and private early childhood and elementary education, Betsy has directed and founded school programs, taught in both public and private schools, has been a school director, and was the founding director of Wilshire Boulevard Temple’s Early Childhood Center. She holds an MA in Human Development and teaching credentials from Pacific Oaks College.

In 2001 Betsy founded, Parenting Pathways, Inc. to provide guidance to parents seeking the skills and confidence needed to negotiate the often-challenging parenting pathway. She leads parenting groups, seminars, and offers private parent consultations throughout the nation. Betsy brings her vast knowledge, sensitivity, and special brand of humor to her parent consultations to her groups and her presentations.

Her bestseller, Just Tell Me What To Say, now in its 4th printing, presents the tried and true tools her clients use daily to handle situations that inevitably accompany raising children ages 2-6 and beyond. Her second book, You’re Not The Boss Of Me: Brat Proofing Your Kids, is the ultimate hands-on guide to cultivating character traits that are tried-and-true "bratbusters." It’s full of no-nonsense, practical "Tips and Scripts," that help you deal with challenging behaviors typical of four- to twelve-year-olds.

Her parenting expertise has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, U.S. News & World Report, Cookie, Family Circle, In Style, Parenting, Parents, Pregnancy and Newborn, Twins, and Woman’s Day, among other publications. She has shared her expertise on the Today Show multiple times. Other television appearances have included Good Morning America, Entertainment Tonight, KCBS, KNBC, and Fox News LA. She contributes to KNX news radio on child development, and has been a guest on countless radio programs nationwide, including NPR. She has been cited in numerous websites and parenting blogs. Betsy is a frequent speaker at educational conferences, schools, and businesses.

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Betsy's Tips for Instilling Honesty in Our Children

• When it's done, let it go
No one is honest all of the time. When an incidence of dihonesty is over, consequence imposed, be done. Refrain from bringing it up, over and over, months later. Your child must not feel defined by her transgressions.

• Let her make things right
Helping a child to make amends also helps to assauge her guilt and make it "all better". "Let's get the carpet cleaner and see if we can get that paint out of the rug." Cleaning up your messes, literally and figuratively, goes a long way in cleaning your conscience.

• You are your child's teacher, not a policeman
Your job is to help your child learn to be honest. You don't want your child to live in fear of being caught for doing something wrong.

• Catch Your child being honest
No matter how small the act, specifically praise honesty.

• Honest parents raise honest children

You are constantly under your child's surveillance as she learns by living with you how to be honest. Children spot hypocrisy faster than you can imagine. Everyone blows it once in a while. So when you do, admit your mistake and share with your child how you will handle the same situation in the future.

Get more tips in the "I didn't do it" chapter of You're Not the Boss of Me. There are also tips on developing conscience, lying, stealing, and childhood myths (Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, etc.).

About the Book

What parent hasn't thought her child was a brat at one point or another? Whether your child really is a brat, is at risk of becoming one, or is simply trying to grow up in a world filled with temptations and distractions, you'll love this book!

It's the ultimate hands-on guide to cultivating character traits that are tried-and-true "bratbusters." Full of no-nonsense, practical "Tips and Scripts," You're Not the Boss of Me offers just the help you need to deal with many of the more challenging behaviors typical of four- to twelve-year-olds.

With Betsy Brown Braun's humorous, supportive, and authoritative voice as a guide, navigating some of the most exasperating aspects of these formative years with confidence and laying the groundwork for your child's future just got a whole lot easier!

It's All Here—What to Say and Do to Help Your Child:

Get Over the Gimmes
Tell the Truth
Be Self-Reliant
Develop Empathy
Show Gratitude
Be Respectful
Take Responsibility
Be Independent
Exercise Humor
Not Be Spoiled

Get it on Amazon.

Toddler Property Law
(as discussed on the show)

1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, Its mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, It's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I am doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks like mine, it is mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.

Click here for more about "Just Tell Me What to Say"

More Tips from Betsy on Stealing

• Stay calm
If you get very angry or lose your temper when you address your child's stealing, she may get just what she is looking for: your attention. A jumbo-size reaction may compound the offense as it may drive your child to lie about the details just to escape your wrath.

• Teach that stealing is hurtful

Somewhere down the line, someone is hurt by stealing - the shopkeeper who loses money, the manufacturer, or even the person who trusted you to be honest. Stealing also demonstrates disrespect.

• Do not allow your chil to appropriate loose change that is laying around

Doing so undermines the young child's ability to learn when it is and isn't okay to take something that she knows is not hers.

• Stealing within the family is still stealing
It is just as important for the child to be held accountable for taking from family members as from anyone else. When the victim is a sibling, it is especially important that she feel protected from the child who took her possession, and a consequence must be imposed.

Read "I didn't do it" chapter of You're Not the Boss of Me for more helpful advice. There are more tips on developing conscience, lying, teaching honesty, and childhood myths (Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, etc.).