#192 Title:

Talking to Your Teen

Special Guest: Naomi Drew,
M.A., author and expert on conflict resolution, peacemaking, bullying and parenting

Is there a “key” to remaining close to your teen? How can you better connect and bond? Are there ways to keep the doors to communication wide open? World expert on conflict resolution and peacemaking, Naomi Drew, talks us through teen disagreements, tough conversations, relationship builders and more.

Duration: 44:20

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00:24 Intro: Talking with Teens
02:06 The Communication "KEY"
05:46 Enter their World
07:10 Don't Smother
12:20 Kids Who Pull Away
19:10 About learningpeace.com
21:19 No Kidding About Bullying
23:48 Disagreements with Teens
25:21 Listening Lifelines
31:02 Three Blocks to Communication
36:20 It Starts at Home
40:46 Closing Comments

About Naomi Drew

Naomi Drew is recognized around the world as an expert on conflict resolution, peacemaking, and parenting. People of all ages have attested to durable changes in their relationships after applying the principles Drew outlines. Her work has been featured in magazines, newspapers, radio, and national TV and she has served as a parenting expert for "Classroom Close-ups," an Emmy-winning public television show.

Naomi Drew is a dynamic speaker who has inspired audiences around the country. She serves as a consultant to school districts, parent groups, and civic organizations, headed the New Jersey State Bar Foundation's Conflict Resolution Advisory panel for eight years. She is a former teacher.

Ms. Drew has two grown sons who were raised in accordance with the principles she writes about. Their lives are testaments to the value of teaching peacemaking to children from the time they are young. She has over twenty years of experience in the field of peacemaking and conflict resolution and has worked with thousands of parents, children, and educators. She is a registered provider with the NJ State Department of Eduaction Character Education Network.

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about Naomi.

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Read Naomi's articles at examiner.com.

Contact: Naomi@LearningPeace.com

Remember that beyond all else, love and respect are the most powerful teachers.
- Naomi Drew

About Naomi's Book

School bullying is a serious problem in today’s schools—one that can have severe and long-lasting effects on victims. Based on a nationwide survey of more than 2,000 students and their teachers, No Kidding About Bullying gives educators and youth leaders a diverse range of activities they can use to help kids in grades 3–6 build empathy, manage anger, work out conflicts, and stop bullying by peers. Featuring 125 mini-lessons that may be completed in 20 minutes or less, the book is a flexible resource that can be used as a stand-alone curriculum or a complement to bullying prevention and character education programs already in place. Get it at Free Spirit or Amazon.

Naomi’s Other Books

Hope and Healing: Raising Peaceful Children in an Uncertain World
Naomi meets this challenge head on offering practical advice for families dealing with the stress of life’s trials while outlining simple, wise ways to transform our homes into the kinds of safe havens where both children and parents can find nourishment and affirmation.

Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids: Practical Ways to Create a Calm and Happy Home
Naomi helps parents do the most pressing job of our times: create peace, one family at a time. What can you do to help your children cope with stress? How can you give them the skills for talking over problems, instead of fighting about them? Where can you find time to help your kids to be less volatile, more cooperative and much happier? Naomi has the answers.

Learning the Skills of Peacemaking
This book was one of the first to introduce peacemaking to public education. Hailed as visionary, her work has enabled educators, parents, and people of all ages to live these skills on a daily basis.
This is a K-6 activity guide on resolving conflict, communicating, and cooperating. Teach kids the concrete skills they need to get along!

The Kid's Guide to Working Out Conflicts
In this book, you'll find out how to be respectful yet firm so you can stand up for yourself without making matters worse. You'll learn skills for listening, guidelines for talking out problems, strategies for managing anger and stress, ideas for staying safe, and ways to bring more peace to the wider world.

The Peaceful Classroom in Action
This easy to read book will certainly provide teachers with many creative ideas, exercises, skills and materials for helping children learn peacemaking. This is a K-6 activity guide on how to create one and how to keep it!

Avoid the biggest blocks to communication: preaching, judging, and criticizing.
- Naomi Drew


Listening Lifelines for Parents of Teens

Keep the lines of communication open with your teen.  Here are 7 critical steps no parent should be without.

1. Take a deep breath and be willing to hear them out.

2. Put yourself in their shoes and try to understand where they’re coming from.

3. Use active listening:

         • Give them your fullest focus.
         • Listen deeply.
         • Don’t interrupt.
         • Paraphrase what was said.
         • Ask for clarification where needed.
         • Keep an open mind.

4. When they’re finished sharing, acknowledge what they said, then respectfully share what’s on your mind. 

5. Avoid the biggest blocks to communication: preaching, judging, and criticizing.

6. Let your care for them shine through no matter how difficult the discussion.

7. Remember that beyond all else, love and respect are the most powerful teachers.

Copyright Naomi Drew, 2010. www.LearningPeace.com

Tips for Parents of Teens and Tweens: Dealing with the Hard Issues

Model the behaviors you want to see in your child.
Parents are still their kids’ most important role models. Try not to do things you wouldn’t want your kids to do. According to a recent study, kids whose parents smoke were more than twice as likely to begin smoking daily than were kids whose parents didn’t.

Emphasize the importance of honoring your body, mind, and spirit.
Let your kids know that drugs and alcohol are harmful to us on all levels. Teen sex can also lead to negative consequences for one’s body, mind, and spirit. Encourage them to come to you if their tempted to do any of these.

Always know where your kids are and who they’re with.
Even if your child doesn’t like being held accountable, do it anyway. You’re kids are depending on you to set limits till they’re old enough to set limits for themselves.

Love them unconditionally, but don’t try to be their friend.
Your teen needs you in the role of parent more than anything else. Going after their approval undercuts your power and makes it harder to set limits.

Talk to you kids about drugs and alcohol.
Teens whose parents talk to them on a regular basis about the dangers of drug use are 42 percent less likely to use drugs than those whose parents don’t.

If you suspect your teen might be using drugs or alcohol ...
Talk to them. Don’t penalize them for telling the truth. Let them confide in you – it may actually be a relief to them– and try not to react. Breathe deep, keep your cool, then strategize. The National Institute on Drug Abuse has lots of information on what you can do: http://drugabuse.gov/nidahome.html

Copyright Naomi Drew, 2010. www.LearningPeace.com

Teen Talk Resources

Surviving Female Adolescence
What a mother needs to do when her teenage daughter is spinning out of control and nothing is bringing her back.

Talk to Teenagers Without the Three C's
Listen without cutting them off, criticizing, and commanding.

Communicating With Teens
Tips for Creating an Open Environment

5 Nonverbal Communication Cues Parents Can Use
Keep the Lines of Communication with Your Teen Open and Positive

For more articles, tip sheets and resources visit examiner.com and learningpeace.com.