Strategies to use instead of SHOUTING
Source: Positive Parening Solutions
1. When-Then
This allows you to delay or deny a privilege until a task is done. For example:
• When the dishwasher is unloaded, then you can join your friends outside.
• When you are dressed and your backpack is by the door, then we’ll serve breakfast.
• When your homework is finished, then we’ll leave for soccer.
Important: After you calmly deliver a When-Then… walk away! If you stay in the room with the child, you’re saying, “I’m willing to continue discussing and debating this.”
When-Then is empowering for kids and parents! Learn more about When-Then and other strategies to diffuse power struggles in an upcoming Positive Parenting Solutions Webinar: “Why Time Out is a Waste of Time”
2. Reveal Consequences
Reveal Consequences in ADVANCE
so kids can make the choice between the appropriate behavior and the consequence.
• It’s time to put your toys away before dinner. If you choose not to put them away, I’ll pick them up but they will go into the closet and won't be available for the next day/week. (Now the child knows his choice – he can put the toys away or lose the toy for the next day/week.)
• Curfew is 10:00 pm. If you choose to come home later than 10:00 PM (without a very good reason), you’ll lose your privilege to go out with your friends next weekend.
3. Close the Loop
Don't forget to close the loop. For example:
• “Just so we’re on the same page…what is the consequence for not putting away your toys?”
• “Just so we’re in agreement…what time do I expect you home and what is the consequence for staying out past curfew?”
• “Closing the loop” ensures that parent and child are in agreement about the rule and the consequence; so there are no surprises. The child will make the choice between the appropriate behavior and the consequence.
If the child makes a poor choice, don’t “piggyback” with “I told you so’s.” Instead, implement the consequence with dignity by calmly saying… “I see you chose to lose your toy/social privileges for the week. You’ll have a chance to try again next week.” This reinforces that the child made the choice to experience the consequence and that mistakes are opportunities to learn for the future.
Learn more about the 5 R’s of an effective consequence in an upcoming Positive Parenting Solutions Webinar: "Get Kids to Listen WITHOUT Nagging, Reminding or Yelling"
FREE Resources
Take the free Parent Personality Survey in session 1 to learn how YOUR personality may invite power struggles! Click here.
|
Get free access to session 1 of Positive Parenting Solutions Online Course. Click here for a free 14-day trial.
|
Live Training Webinars. Examples of topics are: “Why Time Out is a Waste of Time”, “Get Kids to Listen WITHOUT Nagging, Reminding and Yelling.” and more. Click here for topics and dates. |
About Positive Parenting Solutions Online Course
Learn about the state of the art Web 2.0 online course… The Positive Parenting Solutions Online Course teaches parents of toddlers through teens how to correct misbehaviors quickly and permanently by addressing the root cause of the behaviors.
Parents are empowered with a proven set of tools and a step-by-step implementation process to address the root issue so they can end power struggles for good. The focus is on solutions rather than punishment, with the ultimate of goal of raising capable, confident, respectful children. Parents consistently describe the process as “life changing.”
Here are just a few of the things you’ll learn…
• Why kids misbehave and what parents do to make it worse!
• Powerful tools to get kids to listen the first time!
• How to remove the power payoff and stop a temper tantrum in it’s tracks
• Solutions for Public Misbehavior
• How to get kids contributing more and battling less
• The No-Fail Consequence Solution
• The Sibling Rivalry Solution
• “Positive Power”: why kids MUST have it and how to give power without “giving in.”
|
