#137 Title:

Take a Stand Against Bullying

Special Guest: Naomi Drew,
M.A., author and expert on conflict resolution, peacemaking, bullying and parenting

It’s not just kids being kids, it is a learned behavior and one that can be changed.  And we need to. Join us for this important episode on bullying with Naomi Drew, a nationally known expert on conflict resolution and peace-making. There is research to show that bullying stops when adults and peers get involved so that's what we're talking about today. We will cover strategies and skills to bully-proof our children.

Duration: 45:36

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00:27 Let's Bully-Proof!
01:51 Is it Just a Phase?
03:43 What is Bullying?
07:54 Calming Strategies
13:15 Signs of a Victim
15:30 Open Doors of Communication
20:25 New Book on Bullying!
25:33 Get Involved at School
28:31 Listener: Solutions for Boys vs Girls
35:45 Build a Strong Inner Core
37:41 Teach them Responsibility
42:46 Closing Comments

About Naomi Drew

Naomi Drew is recognized around the world as an expert on conflict resolution, peacemaking, and parenting. People of all ages have attested to durable changes in their relationships after applying the principles Drew outlines. Her work has been featured in magazines, newspapers, radio, and national TV and she has served as a parenting expert for "Classroom Close-ups," an Emmy-winning public television show.

Naomi Drew is a dynamic speaker who has inspired audiences around the country. She serves as a consultant to school districts, parent groups, and civic organizations, headed the New Jersey State Bar Foundation's Conflict Resolution Advisory panel for eight years. She is a former teacher.

Ms. Drew has two grown sons who were raised in accordance with the principles she writes about. Their lives are testaments to the value of teaching peacemaking to children from the time they are young. She has over twenty years of experience in the field of peacemaking and conflict resolution and has worked with thousands of parents, children, and educators. She is a registered provider with the NJ State Department of Eduaction Character Education Network.

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Contact: Naomi@LearningPeace.com

Bullying.org defines bullying as "Conscious, willful, deliberate, hostile and repeated behavior by one or more people, which is intended to harm others."

About This Book

Ms. Drew's book is NOT just for kids. In the book, she explains how people can resolve conflict by using some simple and elegant techniques. The book is written for people ages 11 to 114 and teaches concepts and methods by which people can help solve problems that are meaningful to them and others.

Ms. Drew uses some special writing ability and her vast experience as a recognized expert in Peer Mediation and School Conflict Resolution. She writes her book in a vernacular using regular words to describe what she is telling the reader. She uses ethnic names of all nationalities to convey that all people can do this type of work, and all people are worthy of respect. She most effectively uses real life examples and information that she gathered from her work and from her survey of Middle School children all over the country. And she reaffirms the belief that everyone is hurt by conflict and everyone can help to fix that problem in society.

It is rare that readers come across a book that gives this much affirmation and assistance in regular life, and is suited for virtually all people in such a vast age range. The book is recommended for almost everyone who has an interest in helping reduce the amount of conflict in the world today. Not just big conflicts like wars, but also regular conflicts that we face everyday as people.

Working Out Conflicts is divided into eight chapters, which are called steps. Each step will help you increase your ability to be an effective conflict solver. You'll find out how to be respectful yet firm so you can stand up for yourself without making matters worse. You'll learn skills for listening, guidelines for talking out problems, strategies for managing anger and stress, ideas for staying safe, and ways to bring more peace to the wider world. Throughout the book you'll also find:

• Stories and scenarios - real-life examples of conflicts

• Quotes and facts from the students who completed the survey

• Simple activities that let you take a look at your own life

• Self-tests, conflict logs, and other forms you can use to track progress

• Books, websites, and organizations where you can find more information

Naomi’s Other Books

Hope and Healing: Raising Peaceful Children in an Uncertain World
Naomi meets this challenge head on offering practical advice for families dealing with the stress of life’s trials while outlining simple, wise ways to transform our homes into the kinds of safe havens where both children and parents can find nourishment and affirmation.

Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids: Practical Ways to Create a Calm and Happy Home
Naomi helps parents do the most pressing job of our times: create peace, one family at a time. What can you do to help your children cope with stress? How can you give them the skills for talking over problems, instead of fighting about them? Where can you find time to help your kids to be less volatile, more cooperative and much happier? Naomi has the answers.

Learning the Skills of Peacemaking
This book was one of the first to introduce peacemaking to public education. Hailed as visionary, her work has enabled educators, parents, and people of all ages to live these skills on a daily basis.
This is a K-6 activity guide on resolving conflict, communicating, and cooperating. Teach kids the concrete skills they need to get along!

No Kidding About Bullying
School bullying is a serious problem in today’s schools—one that can have severe and long-lasting effects on victims. Based on a nationwide survey of more than 2,000 students and their teachers, No Kidding About Bullying gives educators and youth leaders a diverse range of activities they can use to help kids in grades 3–6 build empathy, manage anger, work out conflicts, and stop bullying by peers.

The Peaceful Classroom in Action
This easy to read book will certainly provide teachers with many creative ideas, exercises, skills and materials for helping children learn peacemaking. This is a K-6 activity guide on how to create one and how to keep it!

"It's like I can't even do anything because everybody is sitting there with a cellphone just waiting for me to mess up."  - Words of a teen, New York Times


7 Must-Do Actions for Kids Who are Being Bullied

Resolving conflicts can be very difficult for children, and their parents. Here are Naomi's 7 keys to "Bully-Proofing" your kids.

NOTE: The following steps are for verbal bullying only.  If your physical safety is being threatened, seek the help of an adult immediately.

1. Don't believe a word they say. It's more about them than you. Kids who bully do it for power. They're always looking for a target.  If it's not you, it'll be someone else.  DON'T TAKE THEIR WORDS PERSONALLY.

2. Don't let them see you sweat; fake it till you make it. Kids who bully get satisfaction from making other people feel bad. No matter how bad you might be feeling in the presence of the person who's bullying you, act as if you couldn't care less.  Then, talk to someone you trust and let your real feelings out.  If the person who's bullying doesn't get a rise out of you, chances are they'll look for someone else to bother.

3. Claim your dignity. Stand tall and walk proud. Practice in the mirror and practice with a trusted friend or adult. Hold your head high, shoulders back, feet slightly apart, and make direct eye contact. Practicing prepares you for standing tall and proud when you're in the presence of the person who bullies.  The more you stand tall and walk proud, the more you'll begin to feel that way.

4. Use an exit line like, "Your words are meaningless to me." Then walk away with your head held high.  Don't stick around and listen to what they have to say.  Remember, your job is to act as if their words and actions really are meaningless to you.

5. Take your power back by confiding in a trusted adult.  Save the proof if there's been cyberbullying. Keeping bullying a secret will only make it continue.  The more trusted people you have in your court, the greater the message to the person who bullies that he/she can no longer get away with what they're doing.  

6.  Stick around other kids and adults.  People who bully look for kids who are isolated. Being around other people is your greatest protection. Kids who bully generally try to do it where they can't seen by adults or other witnesses.

7. Strengthen your natural skills and talents. Putting your focus there will give you the energy that the person who bullies is trying to take away.Whatever you're good at, do it more: sports, music, artwork, math, writing, singing, gymnastics, helping others. Developing your own special skills and talents builds self-esteem and provides an outlet for stress.  Pour your energy into something healthy and life-afffirming that makes you feel strong inside and out.

Watch the video interview.

Must-Do Actions for Parents

If you're a parent, here's how you can be an upstander (rather than a bystander) for your child:

• Listen to what your child has to say. Try your best to determine if he is being bullied, or if it's actually an isolated incident or non-malicious teasing. (By the way, if your child is being teased Naomi can send you a tip sheet on what to do.)

• If it is bullying, give your child the strategies below AND talk to your child's teacher.  Ask the teacher to intervene and to keep a watchful eye on the situation.

• If the bullying continues, sit down with your child's teacher and the principal.  Ask that an anti-bullying program be instituted in the school. Also ask that a protective eye be kept on your child in the lunchroom, halls, and playground, places where most bullying takes place.

• Talk to other parents and build support for ongoing anti-bullying trainings and activities in your school. The only way bullying stops is when people speak out.

• Share the following anti-bullying resources with your child, her teacher, and the principal: www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov and www.bullying.org.

• Be the squeaky wheel. Keep asking for help until the problem is solved.  

Source: learningpeace.com

Bully-Proof Resources

Dealing with Bullying





Champions Against Bullying

For more articles, tip sheets and resources visit

Bullying Facts

• It is estimated that up to 25% of students in the US are either being bullied or are bullying someone else.  That's as much as one in four.

• Bullying stops in less than 10 seconds 57% of the time when peers
intervene on behalf of the child who is being bullied.

• Bullying is reduced in schools where the principal is committed to
reducing bullying.

• Kids who bully are empowered by our acceptance of their actions;
conversely we can take that power away by intervening.

Source: learningpeace.com

Take a look at these statistics from i-SAFE.org, a leader in internet
safety education:

• 42% of kids have been bullied while online.

• 35% of kids have been threatened online.

• 58% of kids admit someone has said mean or hurtful things to them
online. More than 4 out of 10 say it has happened more than once.

• 53% of kids admit having said something mean or hurtful to another
person online. More than 1 in 3 have done it more than once.

• 58% have not told their parents or an adult about something mean or
hurtful that happened to them online.

"When it comes to conflict, you always have a choice about how you're going to handle it. This means you have a lot of power, because what YOU choose to do can determine how the conflict will turn out."
- Naomi Drew